Unhooked Blind Death Spiral = Full Frontal at the Sandbar

TravisBickleRex · Since 30 Jun 2005 339 Posts Taxi Driver

...Donny Baker, please explain to the nwkite studio audience this afternoon's improbable story of how your boardshorts were ripped from your humanity and lost in the murky waters of the Columbia; therein exposing your genitals to the gorge kiting world. ...I simply can't do this story justice. Shocked

forrest · Thu Jul 10, 08 8:00 pm

woot woot, lets hear it!

lance_k · Since 04 May 2005 565 Posts Hood River Photographer

this is gonna be good. popcorn and brews ready for the tale...

jahmbi · Since 28 Jul 2005 622 Posts MORE HUMAN THAN HUMAN River Troll

Spike · Since 13 May 2007 1414 Posts Alameda Spelling Expert

redefining "gaybar"

HoodRat · Since 30 Mar 2008 199 Posts Stoked

i heard he sat in shallow waters waving at people for half an hour before he found someone to lend him a pair of shorts. can you say shrinkage?

TravisBickleRex · Since 30 Jun 2005 339 Posts Taxi Driver

Since DB may wisely continue to exercise his right to remain silent, it appears that I will need to outline the details of the ordeal, as they were provided to me by a shaken, ass-bruised, embarrassed , and strangely short-in-the-shorts individual in the intervening minutes after the incident-in-question.

After finishing an unremarkable session at 6:45 p.m. pacific standard time, I happened-upon DB in the extremely shallow waters just east of the main crescent sand bar. I made contact with said individual as I believed him to be DB, although he did not seem entirely the DB to whom I have become acquainted in the context of short social banter pre/post session at the sandbar. DB presented slightly dazed, his left hip at belt line was exposed which revealed an inflamed fresh cut, and he was wearing a non boardshort variety of short pants which rode high. It was at this point that DB told his harrowing tale...

He'd been working on riding blind/unhooked when somehow his stopper ball slid and remained stopped at the full power setting closest to his bar. Shortly thereafter, he caught an edge and the kite went into a spiral. The remaining details can be better explained by DB himself. However, I understood him to say that he let-go of the bar, but it continued in a full powered death spiral for many multiple kite loops. DB was unceremoniously drug for a long stretch, therein working-loose his boardshorts and ultimately ripping them completely free from his body. (Although I did not ask, I can only bare-asssume that he was not wearing a wetsuit.) Once the symphony of destruction aspect of the misadventure was over, the ugly reality of his situation hit him like the murky, doom-infused riffs of Sabs' Into the Void. He had no good option.

After finding his board, he chose neither to ride, nor walk onto the sandbar given his lack of lower coverage. He chose instead to walk while still in the water to the western edge of the sandbar in waist deep water with the intent of soliciting help from anyone who might hear his plea. Instead, he received a berating of verbal contempt from kiters attempting to launch and land on the strait of hormuz that is the sandbar ingress/egress areas. Finally, he was able to summon a good samaritan to whom DB enlisted to 'find someone who has an extra pair of shorts.' Shortly, short-shorts were produced and provided. DB apparently continued to ride as if to walk-it-off.
I hear a new Tap song in the works.

It's time for DB himself to walk us through this insane new turn of a trick.

pkh · Since 27 Feb 2005 6549 Posts Couve / Hood Honored Founder

That's funny man, and well told by TBR. Laughing

bulae99 · Since 12 Jul 2006 1692 Posts XTreme Poster

LOL,
I was just heading out and noticed said embare-assed rider. I asked him WTF he was doing just parking his TD2 at noon and he said that he had no shorts. Initially I was thinking maybe he was hurt, but then approached him and asked him if he was ok. He stated, " I don't have any shorts."

I left him there as I was unable to ass-sist.

Good shit, glad you didn't get hurt.

Very Happy

Sella · Fri Jul 11, 08 11:28 am

TBR.....perfect recap...as always!! Donny would recap but he's in HR and has no internet / computer access at the present time.

Last night over beers he kept stressing "damn that water is cold". His wife responded..."whatever, the water is not the issue Donny." Shocked

redfly · Since 20 Feb 2008 11 Posts PDX New Member

that would have been a good shot if i could have been there to get it.
Sorry ladys and dudetts, I try for them shots when I am out there next time.

Diggy · Since 25 Nov 2006 342 Posts Gorge to Coast Obsessed

wjb · Since 14 Aug 2007 223 Posts Nor Cal Stoked

Why not just land the kite and wrap your self up in that? Or walk ashore proud Wainman style.

holly · Since 09 Jul 2006 440 Posts Hood River Obsessed

hahaha hes the true dangler!!

sandbar · Since 11 Nov 2006 37 Posts Gorge Landmass

PostFri Jul 11, 2008 11:59 am Re: wish i was there with my camrera Reply with quote
Sella wrote:

Gman · Since 11 Feb 2006 4911 Posts Portland Unstrapped

Awesome blow-by-blow TBR!

Moto · Since 03 Sep 2006 2698 Posts Still a gojo pimp! Moto Mouth

I had to give this a bump up - I ran into the guy who lost his shorts out at Rufus over the weekend. The story is even funnier when told in person!!!! Laughing