Blown-out of the Blowout

Kraemer · Since 24 Apr 2006 1736 Posts Sky Pilot Unicorn Captain

First off, Let me thank the Entire Bolstad Clan for the rocking my world yet another year!
A great race, & super fun way to spend the day!

So Here's my story-

The day begins like any other day with a banging hangover and 1 week old dislocated finger. I grabbed some advil, then I remember...Oh yea.. the fucking blowout is today! So I says "Hells' ya!" and at the crack of 11:00 I scramble to get down there, Which worked great -- Jacob my roomate met me in Hood River and we double back. We were late to the captains meeting and I didn't register, until registration was closed. But last for registration means first on the water--oh no. Safety meeting hadn't even begun. I'm throwing my shit together with your all of your help, of course I don't have time to even put a shorty wetsuit on because all I hear on the megaphone is "KRAEMER--!" Where are you you're up KRAEMER" "SAFETY MEETING OVER KRAEMER" "Kraemer where are you!!" again and again. I said "hey Danlger"-- I think I have to go! So I launched 3rd, sorry for holding everybody up !

Fast forward to when i dumped my kite:

I dumped my kite.

Sella and I were close for a long way, I saw a bunch of you, and it was really a thrill bumping kites and trying to be territorial. It was a race right!? There were about 4 or 5 kites down in front of me and I had moved forward in the pack from 60% to about 30% and gaining on the leaders. The wind was light thru dog mountain and even though I was concentrating with all my 3 brain cells, I could not keep the kite in the air. The old man 12m rasta from 2008 wouldn't maintain flight...

So my kite goes down, and I fiddle for about 10-15 minutes and call it.
I decided not to unhook and let my bar drag, and walked down the line to the kite.
I'm closer to Oregon but know the golden road is north, so I set myself up for a drag to the WA shore. My board had a different idea and wanted to go back to Oregon. So I try and re-direct my kite south but I was a bit tangled, and had to manhandle my kite the opposite direction to self-rescue towards the board-- and when I flipped the kite to the other side my kite popped.

I roll it up with the 7 struts still inflated, The main bladder is shredded and full of water with super tangled lines. My surfboard is 100 yards away and getting further. I decided to ditch the kite to Davey Jones locker and retrieve the board since it would at least help get me in, and the kite was only an anchor.

100 yard swim away from my kite seemed to me like swimming off the Titanic to a lifeboat. I made it fine, and didn't even look back for the kite. I made it to the board but I was still in for another long swim back to WA, but at least my board was intact and I was feeling groovy. That is... until arm and leg cramps. It was a tough go but I got it done. The last rider I saw pass me was Melanie. She was cranking as the wind picked up, I rooted her on while paddling my board toward hwy 14. She just learned to ride strapless today!

Took me about 45-55 min to get into were ever I was-- I didn't know where, but I happened upon a flimsy fiberglass fishing boat. There was a motor but there was no gas tank, only fuel soaked water all in the bottom. I think it was a suzuki 4hp on it. Then I realized the gas tank was ON the tiny motor. So a gave it a crank on dry land and it started. I left my surfboard and harness on the shore, then took off in search of my drifting submerged kite, not exactly sure where.

I chucked the oily fishing skiff into the water and charged towards what I thought was my kite, back on the Oregon side, it was not. I was not charging either, this was a 4 hp. motor. I could almost swim faster. Then I thought I saw it and it just another float... I was losing hope but I finally spotted the iceberged nemi--then the motor quit.

Wind was up, and this tiny boat was getting blown. Luckily there's a paddle, so I kneel down on the bow and start to paddle toward my submerged kite--left and right. I get there and see it's still floating. The lines were caught up on the vegetation. I threw it in and frantically started trying to get the motor running. I couldn't leave the boat abandoned, but that was my thought at this point. I was back in the Oregon side again. Luckily, after about a half hour more of fiddling I was able to get the motor running and get it back to the boats original launch. Whew! It took about 30 min to get the boat back across the river against the wind.

When I did finally get to the highway about 5pm, I realized I was right at Dog mountain. From there, the story doesn't end-- They guy who gave me a ride, wanted to sight see around Stevenson for a bit before he dropped me off. Slow as a goat he made 4 wrong turns before we got back to the launch. I was like, I gotta go pal! Ann Marie and Dan were kind enough to dose me with a cold IPA and I got in Jacobs Jeep, went to the party at the sandbar. I drove the WA side, cuz I had to pick up my gear along the hwy. Near the Hatch (it's getting close to 6:30 now) I hear a phone ringing in the locked glove box. So I pull over, open the glove box with the car key, and it's my phone calling me. It's Jacob and Toby, they said were on the Oregon side at Viento--"Meet us back in Stevenson" ! I said, ah damn, "OK". I turn the rig around, drive back to Stevenson, switch cars and finally am on my own with all my equipment, headed to the sandbar, now it's about 7pm.

I got there close to 8, and received a warm welcome. Most folks had already split but there were still a couple hot dogs on the grill! Then Carol and Tony came to me with this cool Trophy-- It was quite a surprise to receive my very first kiteboarding trophy "DFL". Thank you guys-- It was a super great feeling to receive this and I appreciate all you do, every year-- to get this race and all the other events going-- Thanks Carol Tony Rachael Grom, and everyone else who ran this run!

Its sunday night and I'm still exhausted. My calves feel like they've been split open--but the Stoke is alive!

-Kraemer

kss · Since 24 Apr 2006 614 Posts pdx Addicted

You gotta love kiteboarding in the Pacific Northwest! A sport that makes vets take their medicine from time to time is part of what keeps me coming back for more. You never know what might happen next!

Thanks for sharing the epic adventure Kraemdog!

Sella · Mon Aug 18, 14 11:18 am

So good.

ldhr · Since 21 Jul 2009 1487 Posts Hood River XTreme Poster

epic tale!
guessing you left the boat owner with an empty gas tank? it was probably an indian fishing boat.... surprised you still have your scalp.

windobsessed · Since 07 Aug 2008 117 Posts Portland Stoked

Wish there was a picture of you in the fishing boat chasing your kite Laughing

Great story, probably will stand as the best DFL story ever.

Wind Slither · Since 04 Mar 2005 2611 Posts The 503 METAL

Fitting and overdue demise for that heinous Nemisis!

Twisted Evil

blancoh2o · Since 15 Mar 2005 1154 Posts Oregon Phishy

Sounds like a typical Kreamer day to me. I love you buddy.

Sasquatch · Since 09 Mar 2005 2100 Posts PNW Bigfoot

Every Dog has their good days, and KDOG always seems to have a little extra added to his! Sweet story.

boardrider · Since 05 Apr 2006 1034 Posts Ventura, CA XTreme Poster

How did you write that novella with a gimpy finger Twisted Evil

Nak · Mon Aug 18, 14 4:50 pm

NOOOOO! Not the "Kraemer Rasta Kite"!!! That's like a historic landmark. Great story Jeff; one of the best ever. Glad all ended well! Very Happy

wjb · Since 14 Aug 2007 223 Posts Nor Cal Stoked

The story is epic! I love the duct tape on the bad finger Smile

alleycat · Since 29 Jun 2006 176 Posts Portland Stoked

Awesome story Kraemer

Next year I promise to attend and compete in the Blowout, your survival story has me motivated..

Alllen

Justsmile · Since 20 Jul 2009 1527 Posts Not Portland XTreme Poster

I am in for sure. If sella says it was a top notch time I can not miss out on this experience. Hopefully if I wind up like kraemer I can at least Luck out with gas in the boat. I will volunteer my wife for our shuttle me watching over us!! Smile

Gman · Since 11 Feb 2006 4910 Posts Portland Unstrapped

KRAEMER!!!

BeerKite · Since 29 Mar 2011 471 Posts Obsessed

At first I was a little bummed that my 3rd place team trophy was so much smaller than the DFL trophy, but after that story, you deserve the Stanley Cup!
I had briefly thought about trying to help you relaunch the SS Kraemer but I could barely keep my kite in the sky. Nice work and an epic tale.

Kraemer · Since 24 Apr 2006 1736 Posts Sky Pilot Unicorn Captain

Thanks guys, it was a lot more fun than the previous weekend where I dislocated my finger at Manzo.
If ya'll were wondering..-- I've perfected the death spiral. Wink

barfly · Since 31 Mar 2005 1214 Posts Portland BRACKISH

LEGEND