Kite wrapped with homicidal maniac

Gman · Since 11 Feb 2006 4911 Posts Portland Unstrapped

Wasn’t homicidal before I met you…

Super awesome KB4C weekend looked like over 100 kiters in the race Saturday – was psyched to get a good start this year (got third to the first mark two years ago and it was super cool)

– got up towards pole position with just Cory Reisler between me and Tekko in the start boat. With 5 minutes out it was pretty easy with the skim to tack back and forth right up to the Washington shore by the white salmon bridge and the start line

Can see Tekko maneuvering the boat a bit in the current with a few minutes to start – not to close = just right. The race starts – Tekko hauls off – a kamikaze pilot sails in front of ski boat –holy shit they killed KENNY – Tekko pulls the crazy ivan avoids mowing over ken lucas.

I swerve but am instantly tangled with 2 other kites
- Dude with accent curses at me and yells “I AM CUTTING YOUR LINES!”
The other party to the kite ménage a trois is calm, silent

I’m grabbing for my knife “where are you caught?”

- “You just took us both out – I AM CUTTING YOUR LINES

“Did you see the ski boat swerve?”

- “No EXCUSES!”

“No, really it almost ran someone over…”

- NO EXCUSES! I AM CUTTING YOUR LINES”

“You could cut your own lines” (I found this amusing)

- Some more general bitching about my incompetence and I AM CUTTING YOUR LINES”

“You cut my lines - I will fucking kill you” (not really in the spirit of KB4C but spoken calmly with conviction)

The guy’s board and board leash are tangled with kiter #3 – work to clear
One of the kites powers up – I cut loose – the guy fly’s 20 yards off downwind (damn maybe he should of cut those lines…)

We all end up in the eddy – collect the kites – tangled bars and climb up on the rocks – he still bitching, “I am instructor for 11 years, you are my hero”

I’m looking for a nice rock to bash his head in – but the rescue ski comes and takes him away

Quick scramble over the tracks, hitch hike back to the event site, Brave Dave hooks me up with a new bar and back to the race

BigR · Since 05 Jul 2005 372 Posts White Salmon Obsessed

Dang Dude! Wild Stuff!

glad everybody came out alright, but somebody's adjustment needs a new attitude..... that guys........

Jonpnw · Mon Jul 11, 11 6:33 am

kitezilla · Since 22 Jun 2006 453 Posts gorge Obsessed

Very entertaining description of the incident. I don't know if a "protocol" for dealing with kite tangles will ever be developed... each incident being a different variation on a theme... demanding that cool heads prevail.

In defense of the kiter who wanted to cut the lines, my first thought was... the death of Silke Gordt may have more deeply affected Europeans than Americans. The "maniac" in your story may have been worried that you would release your bar, and drag him to his death, by double kite.

It's a dangerous playground out there.

Youkai · Since 08 Feb 2010 553 Posts Beaverton Addicted

+1 for the Firefly refrence.

Gman · Since 11 Feb 2006 4911 Posts Portland Unstrapped

The "maniac" in the story was initially worried the kites where going to hurt somebody but after 5 min of incessant whining, I was thinking what are the odds I get a jury like Casey Anthony.

specialk · Guest

Hey G, how is it that the maniac got a rescue ride, and you had to hitch? WTF!

Gman · Since 11 Feb 2006 4911 Posts Portland Unstrapped

no he got a ski ride back and the Maniac hitched...

dangler · Since 26 Feb 2006 1776 Posts WINDY SPOTS XTreme Poster

When I was a kid, I dreamed of traveling the world, seeing different cultures, meeting new people, then killing them. Vietnam afforded me that opportunity.

Seems kiting could have that same effect.

Macaframa · Since 06 Jul 2010 81 Posts California Delta

Great story! We need more hilarious narratives like this! Thanks, brightened my monday. Thanks

Reaper356 · Since 10 Dec 2006 781 Posts Salem / LC Oregon Opinionated

I like kitezilla's point - think before you release.

The only time I've ever tangled I was on a Best kite and Spike's Slingshot lines cut two of my lines and bridle in half ... so it wasn't really an issue. But I will definantly think about the double kite sleigh ride factor.

lance_k · Since 04 May 2005 565 Posts Hood River Photographer

Rollo Tomasi · Since 17 Mar 2005 983 Posts Attractive

Gman narratives are the best. bar none.

tautologies · Since 24 Aug 2006 602 Posts Oahu Addicted

Sweet - that will be the theme of our race on Saturday.

"I'M CUTTING YOUR LINES."

Anyways, we've been discussing our local race this ocming weekend, and we Oahu kooks stand no chance against the Maui guys to we are looking for a kiter to take out some of the Maui guys.....

so waddaya say GMAN you seem to have the experience...are you volunteering?

Aeolus · Tue Jul 12, 11 6:20 am

Considering you were race mode and lightening up...you probably not wearing your trench coat and could not offer assistance in the chop fest
LMAO! that's a good tale...glad everyone was spared!

Gman · Since 11 Feb 2006 4911 Posts Portland Unstrapped

Aelous love that image

Tautolgies you’re too kind

Kitezilla that was my initial assumption to someone yelling at me – panicked euro somehow tangled in my lines about to be sent on the ride of death. But no on both counts, he was yelling but there was no sense of impending doom, urgency, fear – he had ample time to unhook, disconnect, take off his harness, wetsuit, take a shit, make a tasty croissant…

On the second assumption - Euro, I don’t think so, as an uncultured American I’m not too familiar with the nuance of accents, but if I had to guess, he was from a farther realm - “the Land of whiney little bitches” I like to think of myself as cool headed, taking the higher path, a rock the water flows smoothly around, but my travels haven’t taken me to the land of whiney little bitch men. I’m embarrassed how in such a few short invective hurled minutes I could be spun into a homicidal rage. For I can imagine little bitch man was just acting the custom of his people.

In my defense, influenced by years of Dirty Harry movies, the 1956 “Blood in the Water” Water Polo match, and US supremacy in weapons research and development, it is a strong DNA fighting that impulse control.

My thinking

1. Guy is in trouble
2. Guys is not in trouble just a fuckhead
3. I should kill this fuckhead
4. Water Polo Grapple sounds good – he also is in the narrow percentile of older and smaller kiter – as reigning weight class champion of small dogs and children –my odds look good
5. There is a witness
6. He threatens to cut my lines – implies knife – could be a weak ass kite knife, could be a dive knife – I’m armed with the Columbia River Knife & Tool – BEARCLAW - its already drawn and having some trouble getting it back in its plastic sheath – thinking opportunity = advantage
7. Still the problem with the witness, what would Casey Anthony do? Seems like a decent guy, and now a jet ski driver also, fuck, who is in that helicopter..

bambam · Since 15 Mar 2005 760 Posts Hood River Photographer

Gman,

You tangled with Jose Gruart... Fifteenth from the top...

http://www.urbansurf.com/kiteschool/kite_school_team

Cuban, which explains the flare up. Overall he is a really great guy. It sounds like Phillip Schonger was also involved, and was apologizing on the beach for the little Cuban's bad attitude in what is basically a for fun event...

Wish I could have seen it!

Bams