4Stringer/KipWinger
Since 27 Apr 2005
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Hood River
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 Fri Jan 12, 07 6:27 pm Suggested Reading: nwkite Party Tips, Etiquette and Manners |
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In preparation for Saturday night's nwkite.com party, a review of etiquette and it's historical antecedents are in order:
Etiquette in the United States
As expectations regarding good manners differ from person to person and vary according to each situation, no treatise on the rules of etiquette nor any list of faux pas can ever be complete. As the perception of behaviors and actions vary, intercultural competence is essential. However, a lack of knowledge about the customs and expectations of kiters in the United States can make even the best intentioned person seem rude, foolish, or worse.
Contents
1 Shared culture
2 Distinct identities
3 European traditions
4 Changing expectations
5 Consideration
6 Generalizations
6.1 Age and appearance
6.2 Direction
6.3 Distinctions
6.4 Eye contact
6.5 Flowers
6.6 Handshakes
6.7 Hats
6.8 Honorifics and names
6.9 Hygiene
6.10 Masculinity
6.11 Meals
6.12 Money
6.13 Multiculturalism
6.14 Parents
6.15 Pointing
6.16 Profanity
6.17 Reserve
6.18 Restaurants
6.19 Seating
6.20 Shoes
6.21 Toasting
6.22 Visiting
6.23 Waiting
6.24 Weddings
6.25 Workers
7 Special issues
7.1 Issues in Canada
7.1.1 Aboriginal peoples
7.1.2 Francophone relations
7.1.3 Frozen North
7.1.4 Politics
7.2 Issues in the United States
7.2.1 Black people
7.2.2 Confederate flag
7.2.3 Language politics
7.2.4 Latinos
7.2.5 Native Americans
7.2.6 Yankees
8 See also
9 References
[edit]Shared culture
Canada and the United States are both heterogeneous societies containing a multitude of subcultures. Nevertheless, many expectations regarding good and bad behavior apply to both. Canadians are especially familiar with the expectations of American society, having not only been privy to American movies for generations (like the rest of the world) but to American television as well.
[edit]Distinct identities
While Canada and the United States are similar in some respects (same dialing arrangement, many of the major professional sports leagues field teams from both countries, and almost the same tastes in popular culture, to name a few,) each is a separate country with its own distinct national identity (two different currencies called the dollar and each have separate American football leagues with some rule diffrences, to name a couple.) Insinuating otherwise is disrespectful to both. Given that Canada has about 270 million fewer people than its neighbor, Canadians are more often subject to this indignity than Americans are.
[edit]European traditions
Besides similarities based on proximity, both Canada and the United States share cultural and linguistic heritage originating in Europe, and as such many generalizations regarding points of etiquette in Europe are applicable in Canada and the United States as well, especially in more formal settings and wherever European traditions are strongest.
This means that points of etiquette listed in conjunction with France are often relevant in regards to French Canadians, points of etiquette applicable in Ireland are often relevant in regards to Irish Americans, points of etiquette applicable in Spain are often relevant in regards to America’s huge Spanish-speaking community and so on.
[edit]Changing expectations
The exceptions regarding etiquette mentioned in this article have never been universal in Canada and the United States, and many points of etiquette are less observed than they were in the past.
Certain issues discussed below them will be unfamiliar to many people that have lived in Canada or the United States their entire lives, especially if they weren't raised in a family environment where these issues were considered important.
Even points of etiquette that are ignored by many people can be useful to know, particularly when the person one hopes to impress (or at least not offend) does not ignore that particular point of etiquette.
[edit]Consideration
Etiquette begins with some sensitivity to the perceptions and feelings of others and the intention not to offend. Lighting a cigarette in the home of a non-smoker, calling someone too late at night, failing to thank and compliment a host, using a mobile phone in a theatre, taking the last bit of a dish without offering it to others and many other examples of bad manners fall into this category.
While the idea of consideration is universal, expectations regarding it vary greatly among different people in different situations. For example, behavior aptly regarded as boisterous in an elegant restaurant might seem oddly restrained in an eatery next to a stadium after the home team has won a big game.
[edit]Generalizations
The following generalizations about etiquette hold true for many segments of society in both Canada and the United States:
[edit]Age and appearance
It is often impolite to ask either a man or a woman their age or weight. Asking someone's age is more acceptable when they are apparently younger than about 30. Asking someone their weight is more acceptable when the person is obviously physically fit, especially while commenting on that fact. It is usually more acceptable to ask these questions of men.
Complimenting someone on lost weight can be very flattering if made honestly. Unwittingly complimenting someone upon weight lost due to illness is a faux pas.
Complimenting someone positively on, for example, clothing worn to a party or a new hair cut is usually gracious. However, one should take care so as not to seem flirtatious, perhaps by giving the compliment in front of a third party.
[edit]Direction
Walking in situations such as a supermarket or shopping mall, Canadians generally follow the same general rules as drivers and will keep to their right, effectively creating two "lanes" of pedestrian traffic.
Americans follow this pattern more loosely except when they have no choice (such on a congested city street) and are more apt to deviate from it. Still, even two people passing one another on otherwise empty sidewalk will usually each keep to the right.
[edit]Distinctions
As elsewhere, many people in Canada and the United States are proud of their distinct ethnic, national, religious, linguistic or cultural identity and may be insulted by those who fail to make the distinction.
For example, a Cuban American person may be offended if confused with a Mexican American person and vice versa. Likewise, there are many clear (and some less than clear) distinctions made among the Aboriginal peoples of Canada and failing to show sensitivity to these is likely to offend.
When in doubt, avoid characterizing people according to a cultural identity. Make inquiries regarding identity carefully (if at all).
[edit]Eye contact
Not looking someone directly in the eye when speaking can be seen as evasive, especially when emphasizing a specific point that might otherwise be in doubt.
[edit]Flowers
Certain flowers (particularly chrysanthemums) are given only at funerals and most florists will advise against them. As red roses typically connote romantic feeling, they are inappropriate for other circumstances. [1]
[edit]Handshakes
Many men (in the United States most especially) shake hands in a particularly robust fashion. They may be uncomfortable with or make a poor appraisal of a man who does not press the other's palm firmly.
A very brief and unenthusiastic handshake often indicates dislike or anger. On the other hand, vigorous shaking of the other person's hand, extended duration of the handshake and the slapping of a hand on the other person's back are all hallmarks of friendliness and enthusiasm and are almost never meant to be taken as aggressive or domineering.
Use of an excessively tight grip usually indicates friendliness or enthusiasm as well, even when this accidentally causes pain to the other person's hand. When this grip is done on purpose as an indicator of aggression, it is invariably accompanied by a grim demeanor and piercing eye contact intended to intimidate.
Among the Québécois and other French-speaking Canadians, shaking hands in a casual context is a bit unfriendly. Embracing loosely while lightly kissing each other's cheeks is often more appropriate for friends and family. This holds true between women and between men and women. It is not the ordinary custom for greetings between men.[2]
[edit]Hats
Many people consider it impolite for men to wear hats or other head coverings indoors. Hats should always be removed in churches and when sitting at a table for a meal. Of course this doesn't apply when someone wears a head covering due to religious beliefs or illness (i.e. a person suffering from hair loss due to chemotherapy). [3]
[edit]Honorifics and names
People in Canada and the United States will often use first names immediately upon meeting someone ("Hi, are you Wilhelm?") in a way which would seem impolite and presumptuous elsewhere. Rather than being indicative of a callous attitude, addressing someone in this way (sometimes repeatedly during a single conversation) is often an attempt to be particularly kind, friendly or welcoming.[4]
The use of honorifics such as "Mr." and "Mrs." are still used in some situations. In some workplaces, the owners or managers are referred to by such honorifics, especially when there tends to be a generation gap between them and most employees. On the other hand, the owners of multi-billion dollar American companies have made it a point of honor to insist all employees call them by first name.[5]
Some people in the Southern United States and in families closely connected to the United States Military make more frequent use of honorifics, especially "sir" and "ma'am", as a show of respect towards people whom they do not know or those who are older. These are also in wide use in customer service. In other sectors of society, these are used much more rarely and their use may be facetious or even sarcastic.
It is sometimes rude for children to refer to adults by first names, sometimes not. Honorifics are most common when the adults in question are much older than the children's parents.
"Madam" is almost never non-sarcastically, except in Canada. When used as a noun rather than an honorific, it means a female pimp. In Francophone Canada, Madam and Mrs. are interchangeable.
"Ms." is widely used regardless of a woman's marital status. Although use of this relatively new term frequently led to sharp correction of the speaker in the past ("that's Mrs. Smith, not Ms.!"), it is now widely understood (even by the elderly) as an attempt to be as polite as possible.
When a person's surname is unknown, the honorifics "sir" and "miss" (for younger women) or "ma'am" are sometimes used. "Mr." on its own ("hey mister") can sound rude, silly or foreign depending on the circumstances.
[edit]Hygiene
Americans and Canadians are often offended when their high hygienic standards are not met. The sight of unrefrigerated meat hanging in a butcher shop (as seen here in Morocco) would rarely, if ever, be seen in Canada or the US.
High standards surround the handling, storage and transportation of food and the prevention of foodborne illness. Meat and dishes containing meat are allowed to go without refrigeration only briefly, cooked and uncooked foods are kept strictly separated, and hand washing is frequent. Many people will throw away any food they expect has been compromised.
Spitting on the ground, blowing one's nose into anything but a tissue or handkerchief, nose and ear picking, and burping or sneezing without covering one's mouth are all considered gross and very rude.
Chewing with one's mouth open, slurping or making excessive noise while eating, yawning without covering one's mouth and saying "excuse me" or burping without attempting to muffle the sound and saying "excuse me" are all impolite.
When someone else sneezes, it is customary to say "God bless you" (or, more jocularly, "Gesundheit"). The person who sneezes may say "excuse me", especially if the sneeze was especially loud or they were unprepared and need to reach for tissue. If the sneeze was messy or food is being handled, it is typical to wash the hands immediately.
Many Americans and Canadians shower at least daily and use a variety of products such as antiperspirant sprays, deodorant soaps, mouthwash, and foot powders. People are extremely intolerant of odor from sweat, breath, feet, unclean clothing, flatulence, etc.
Perfume, aftershave and other scents should be used in moderation.
[edit]Masculinity
Many men avoid body contact with other males beyond a handshake, a slap on the back or (in the case of younger men) rough-housing. When enough seats are available (such as on a bus that is not crowded), they may prefer to sit at least one seat apart.
This does not necessarily imply a homophobic attitude, but it is in sharp contrast to places where men exchange embraces and polite kisses on the cheek (such as some countries in Europe) or expectations surrounding etiquette in the Middle East where men walk while holding hands and it has no romantic connotation.
Men often avoid conversation and eye contact in a public restroom, and might only nod to a coworker with whom they would typically start a conversation. However, a conversation started outside the restroom might continue when the two men go inside and this restraint is less pronounced among close friends or when people are in high spirits, for instance at a wedding.
Likewise, men typically avoid adjacent or closely-situated urinals when others are available. To do otherwise might be construed as cruising.
[edit]Meals
It is often impolite to begin eating before others are ready to begin, or to eat in front of another person without offering to share. Typically all wait for the host, eldest person present or guest of honor to say "let's begin" in some way.
In a situation such as a large banquet table or a restaurant where the waiter has failed to bring all food to the table at the same time, it is gracious to insist that others begin eating first while their meals are still warm.
Resting one's hands under the table or one's elbow on it are inappropriate for formal settings.
[edit]Money
Cash (or a check) is an inappropriate gift in most situations. Exceptions include graduations, Baptisms, Confirmations, bar mitzvahs, and bat mitzvahs.
Some people in Canada and the United States may discuss personal wealth, possessions or success in business in a way that is widely viewed as vulgar in certain other societies. It is still taboo to ask people about their salary and in some places of work it is forbidden.[6]
In financial transactions, it usual to place money neatly in the hand of the receiver and it may be rude to do otherwise. In banks, tellers count out money while setting it on the counter instead. Payment to a bartender is another exception, customarily being done by placing payment (and receiving change) on the bar.
Cash or a cheque (check) is an inappropriate gift in most situations. Exceptions include graduations, bar mitzvahs, and bat mitzvahs. Cash is appropriate for weddings when there is a close friendship or family relationship, but such gifts are usually of $50, $100 or more. Adults also give cash to children, especially relatives.
Cash gifts should almost always be placed in a greeting card. One exception involves cash gifts to relatives who are of high school age or younger as such gifts may be relatively covert and may be intended to give the young person some spending money that their parents do not know about.
[edit]Multiculturalism
The notion of multiculturalism is widely accepted among educated people and there is a considerable understanding about how different rules apply to different peoples. Accordingly, expecting (for example) a Hasidic Jew to remove his hat when visiting a Church or to badger a Hindu to accept food that violates her dietary laws is a faux pas that would offend many regardless of their own denominational backgrounds.
People in both Canada and the United States proudly refer to their homeland as a "land of immigrants". Although it fails to acknowledge the presence of Native Americans, this well-intentioned phrase is meant to express inclusivity. Any insinuation that someone is a "foreigner" or an "alien" rather than a true American or a true Canadian is rude, even if the person in question also identifies as (for example) an Italian American or Chinese Canadian.
References to someone's ethnic or racial identity are inappropriate in a variety of circumstances. In particular, mentioning somebody's minority status when criticizing that person is perceived as discrimination. This takes the focus away from the specific criticism and suggests that the person's ethnic status is the essence of the problem. [7]
Whether they are Aboriginal people in Canada, Jewish Americans or whatever, people may use self-disparaging humor or make jokes based upon the stereotypes or realities of their own ethnic group. However, it is widely considered inappropriate for other people to engage in this sort of humor.[8]
[edit]Parents
In most families, children never address their parents or grandparents by first name. This holds true even after the children themselves grow elderly.
Young children usually call parents "mommy" and "daddy." Once they get older, "mom" (or "ma") and "dad" (or "pa", mostly in the Southern United States) become more common. "Mother" is also heard, but "father" would be very Victorian-sounding (unless speaking of the parent in the third person).
Once children approach adolescence, they may occasionally call parents by their first names to be humorous or to show anger. More frequently, children refer to their parents by first names, especially when expressing exasperation and sometimes even when speaking to the other parent ("Ugh...Irene took away my cellphone for a week!")
People in Canada and the United States with ties to French-speaking, Spanish-speaking and other linguistic communities often use non-English words for family members, especially grandparents.
[edit]Pointing
Although "you shouldn't point" is still a phrase in some people's consciousness, pointing really isn't taboo anymore and is often combined with kind words ("Excuse me, are you next in line?") by people who are obviously of a considerate nature.
[edit]Profanity
Swear words are not allowed on broadcast television or radio and such language is widely discouraged in formal and business settings, as well as when children are present. Canadian television is more permissive than in the US, ever more so in Québec.
Many people use swear words regularly in informal settings, and at times using these words in a person's presence can signal inclusiveness and familiarity.
One should be extremely careful about choosing words which may be profane. Beware of words learned in informal settings and from movies and music, especially if one's first language is not English. Using even one inappropriate word in the wrong setting can completely change the character of a dialogue and how the speaker's personality is perceived.
[edit]Reserve
As a guideline, on first meeting it may be impolite to ask someone if they are married or dating. During this first meeting it may also be impolite to ask a person's political views.
People typically like to have about an arm's length of personal space and may be very uncomfortable otherwise. In crowded situations less space is tolerated, but this makes some people uneasy and some avoid crowded situations when possible.
[edit]Restaurants
In a restaurant, simply making eye contact with a server, perhaps with a nod of the head, is usually enough to get their attention. In a place that is crowded or with a server who is less attentive, "excuse me, waiter..." is appropriate. Also in wide use is a subtle lifting of the index finger (palm facing the viewer) combined with an equally subtle raising of the chin, or even just the eyebrows.
Unless the service is below expectations, tips should be left for food servers in any establishment where orders are taken and food is brought to the table by an employee. US Tax Code assumes that food servers receive 8% tips on average[9]. In practice, tips typically range from 5% to 20% of the food bill (pre-tax and pre-beverage).
[edit]Seating
Good manners dictate that in most situations, people in apparent good health surrender their seats to the elderly, handicapped people and pregnant women.
The practice of men surrendering their seats to women has changed somewhat. A man should still offer to do this for his wife and older female relatives, as well as female friends of his wife or relatives, and also female co-workers. However, making this offer to a woman with whom one is unacquainted, especially if the woman is close in age to the man or is younger, may be seen as either sexist or flirtatious.
[edit]Shoes
In Canada, the practice of removing one's shoes upon entering a home is almost universal and may be assumed.
Upon entering a home in the US, it is polite to ask to remove one's shoes as many people observe this habit. When footwear is muddy, snowy, wet or might otherwise soiled, it is especially important to ask if they should be removed and a mention should be made that they are muddy or whatever the case may be that may somehow soil the host's home.
In the US, unless one arrives at the home at the same time as the host and sees them removing their shoes, or one has been to the home before and knows that a "no shoes" rule is in effect, it can be more rude to remove one's shoes without asking than it is to wear them. Removing one's shoes without asking can be construed as a sign that one is "making one's self at home" or plans to stay longer than the host desires. The question should be "should I remove my shoes?" rather than "can I remove my shoes?"
One consideration regarding the shoe-removal issue is whether the climate of the region you are in is a cold, snowy place or a warm, sunny one. Some families may appreciate the removal of one's shoes for cultural reasons or family tradition, but the normalization of the practice can be largely attributed to the prevention of tracking black snow-sludge through people's homes. Snow and winter grime is less common in California, the Southeast and other Sunbelt states. If your shoes are relatively clean (i.e., not muddy or otherwise leaving footprints), you're likely okay to leave leave one's shoes on. If someone prefers you to remove your shoes, they generally will politely ask you to do so and not be offended at your mistake.
[edit]Toasting
Most people will lightly touch glasses when giving a toast, often saying "toast", "cheers" or a short phrase such as "to us". Toasting without touching glasses is increasingly popular and is regarded by some as a slightly more sophisticated mode of behavior.
Except during formal occasions such as a wedding or an anniversary party for which a function hall has been rented, it is not very common to "propose a toast" in the more formal sense, such as to congratulate a celebrant on her birthday or to thank a host for his hospitality. However, when someone does make such a gesture, it is almost invariably met with approval regardless of the setting or the occasion.
If someone wants to "propose a toast as well", this second toast should have a different focus than the first, such as acknowledging the impending college graduation of person in the room when the first toast congratulated someone on a new job. Ideally, this toast is briefer than the first so as not upstage it. Subsequent toasts, if any, should even more succinct (i.e. "..and to Bill's new house").
Americans and Canadians typically do a formal toast only once per gathering, if at all. Even lifting one's glass and saying "cheers" each time a new drink is poured isn't in line with local etiquette and, while not impolite, may be seen as a bit tedious.
Americans tend to be less rigid than some Western Europeans regarding direct eye-contact during toasts. Americans may be more prone to look towards the center and direct eye-contact to the crowd or glasses generally whereas in some European countries it can be seen as a sign of dishonesty or ill will to not make direct eye contact when making a toast.
[edit]Visiting
When visiting someone's home it is polite to bring a token gift such as sweets, a small toy for the host's child, a beverage to be shared, a book they know the host will enjoy, flowers for the table, or whatever. Even young people who observe this custom less stringently enjoy being on the receiving end.
This custom holds true whether answering an invitation or dropping by unexpectedly, although the latter is almost certainly a faux pas unless the host has previously indicated that such surprise visits are welcome.
An alcoholic beverage is considered a particularly appropriate and festive gift for a host unless the host is a teetotaler, which is not uncommon.
However, many people who do drink alcohol have a specific preference and rarely enjoy anything else. Unless preferences are known it is gracious to ask "want me to bring along wine or beer or...?" Asking "any specific brand?" is gracious but asking "what brand?" puts the impolite onus of a decision on the host.
Bringing a dinner item, such as chicken wings, is impolite when it is understood that the group will be sitting down together for a meal. It implies worry about the host not providing anything the visitor will enjoy and a contingency plan about not going hungry. However, such a dish would likely be a welcome surprise for a larger party (unless the hosts are vegetarian).
When in doubt, a dessert item such as a coffee cake or pie is a very safe choice as long as it is of quality (or at least not cheaply-packaged and obviously the most inexpensive one that could be found).
[edit]Waiting
Waiting in line is appropriate in many situations and "cutting" the line or otherwise trying to bypass the waiting order is rude.
In rare instances Canadians will use the British English term "queue," but they usually use the Canadian English term "line-up."
Even in situations where some people may be aggressively struggling to get past one another (such as when boarding a city bus), there may be a considerable amount of people present who are trying to proceed in an orderly fashion and regarding those who are not as rude and uncouth.
Even less - polite people usually allow people to disembark transportation such as a bus or train before trying to board. Those who fail in this respect may be harshly reprimanded by the bus driver or nearest transportation worker.
In a waiting area at a medical center, hair salon, or other situation, expressing impatience in such ways as loudly complaining to friends about the wait or asking the receptionist "what's taking so long?" will rarely expedite the affair and may have the opposite effect. It is acceptable to ask for an estimate of how long the wait will be, but this should be done in a polite tone.
[edit]Weddings
Wearing white is reserved for the bride. Women especially should avoid dressing in white or colors that could be mistaken for white in a dimly lit banquet hall. White combined with other colors (such as a white blouse with an outfit) is fine. Avoid wearing a dress more elegant or ostentatious than the bride's own.
Black is not very appropriate for weddings. Dark blues and dark browns are fine. Men in black suits should balance that with something like a brightly colored neck tie to avoid looking like one is dressed for a funeral.
[edit]Workers
Getting the attention of workers such as store employees and serving staff with most gestures (such as waving someone towards you) or calling loudly for assistance is impolite. Snapping of the fingers is completely unacceptable.
It is better to move toward an employee and say something along the lines of "excuse me..." Waving (as if saying hello) may also be appropriate when one has made eye contact with a worker and will usually prompt them to ask if assistance is needed.
Contrary to what is often depicted in movies, when dealing with workers such as waiters, store employees, receptionists, and government employees, civilities such as "please" and "thank you" are appropriate. An arrogant attitude, such as one used in dealing with servants generations ago, is not.
Most people in Canada and the United States have these sorts of jobs during at least some stage of their lifetime. Even when the worker in question has less than perfect manners, dealing with such people graciously is more indicative of "high class" than the amount of money one spends.
Effusive over-familiarity, such as is somewhat common in American customer service, is not prevalent in Canada and may interpreted as disrespectful, insincere, or gauche.
[edit]Special issues
Like most countries, Canada and the United States each have issues that are germane to their particular society. Etiquette demands some understanding and sensitivity to these issues. Compared to insulting someone's ethnic identity, a faux pas like forgetting to bring wine to dinner pales in comparison.
[edit]Issues in Canada
The following issues are of special concern to the people of Canada:
[edit]Aboriginal peoples
Lack of respect for Aboriginal peoples in Canada is likely to offend people of other ethnic backgrounds as well. This is a vintage photograph of a Inuit woman.
There are three distinct groups of Aboriginal peoples in Canada: First Nations people (often referred to by specific tribe names), Inuit and Métis. These are official classifications in Canada and care should be take to distinguish between them.
Etiquette demands respect for the lifestyles of Aboriginal people. Although traditional spiritual, cultural, and lifestyle practices thrive in Canadian aboriginal communities, these have evolved and incorporate modern elements, from snowmobiles and state-of-the-art fishing boats to websites through which First Nations groups celebrate their heritage. What's more, 42% of aboriginal people in the Canadian province of Ontario, for example, have post-secondary education, and 78% live off-reserve[10]; the most common occupation for Aboriginal people in Canada as a whole is in sales/service, followed closely by business/finance/administration and transportation/equipment operation. [11] This presents a very different picture from the stereotypes seen around the world in movies and literature featuring Aboriginal peoples of North America. [12]As a result, expecting an Aboriginal person to be "just like in the movies" may make one seem ignorant or rude to aboriginal and non-aboriginal people alike. [13]
Respect for aboriginal culture is especially important in such situations as a First Nation's pow wow. For example, it is extremely rude to touch a dancer's regalia or to take a photograph of a dancer without asking for and clearly receiving permission.[14] It is also taboo to bring alcohol or narcotics to a pow-wow. [15]
Interruptions are seen as quite rude among First Nations cultures in general. [16] Particular respect should be paid to elders (people who are older or people well-respected in the community). When they speak on an issue, it is unacceptable to interrupt or speak until they say they have finished or until they invite others to speak or ask questions. [17]
Speakers of the Yupik languages self-identify as "Eskimo" but the majority of the Native population in the Canadian Arctic and Greenland prefer to be called "Inuit" (or "Inuvialuit"), and most find the term "Eskimo" highly offensive. [18]
The term "Eskimo" is sometimes used in other contexts, such as by sports teams like the Abitibi Eskimos or the Edmonton Eskimos. Be aware that they use these names to the chagrin of some Inuit and people who advocate political correctness. Treat this sensitive issue accordingly. [19]
[edit]Francophone relations
In some cases, French Canadians have expectations regarding etiquette which differ from their Anglophone neighbors. Shown here is the flag of Quebec, also known as the Fleurdelisé.
Expecting an English-speaking Canadian to know French well, or vice versa, can create awkward situations. However, it is more common for Francophone Canadians to be fluently bilingual than Anglophone Canadians.[20]
When initiating a discussion, it is polite to use the native language of one's interlocutor. However, if one does not speak that language, it is good form to inform the other person of that fact and asking if they speak one's own.
In areas which are primarily French-speaking, when being served (in restaurants, hotels, etc.) it is correct to expect English in urban areas. Do not expect English to be known by people in suburbs and smaller towns (although in many cases, it will be). A polite demeanor, including excusing one's self when asking for assistance in English, is much-appreciated and will facilitate social interaction.[21]
Non-Canadians are not advised to initiate discussion on Anglophone-Francophone relations. Avoid faux-pas by respecting it as one would a private matter. Offering even well-intentioned commentary about issues such as Quebec separatism risks offending Anglophone and Francophone Canadians alike.[22]
[edit]Frozen North
Living in a country that extends from the Northern Temperate Zone to the Arctic Circle, Canadians are generally willing to engage in humor regarding the harshness of Canadian winters or the relative isolation of many parts of their country. However, it is impolite to lay on humor about the "Frozen North" too thick, such as suggesting that a resident of Ottawa lives in an igloo or that Torontonians drive dog-sleds to work while dodging polar bears.
[edit]Politics
Canadians typically shun nationalist rhetoric and patriotic fervor, but do express a love for their homeland in other ways. Here Queen Elizabeth II and former Prime Minister Jean Chrétien appear at Canada Day celebration in Ottawa.
Although many Canadians are fiercely proud of their country, they tend to shun nationalist rhetoric and patriotic fervor as not being appropriate for public display. Canadians do celebrate a patriotic holiday called Canada Day.
[edit]Issues in the United States
The United States is a diverse, multicultural country with over 300 million people with diverse backgrounds and beliefs. Working through these differences is a major concern for people in the US in many area areas including the following:
[edit]Black people
The subject of race relations in the United States is a sensitive one, especially in regards to the situation of African American people in the USA both past and present.
Despite (or perhaps because of) the fact that this is an emotionally-charged subject, many people often want to discuss it, especially in private. Be aware that such conversations may be tricky for the unwary or uninformed. It is easy to offend people in this area, no matter what their race or creed.[23]
Although many Black comedians base their acts on stereotypes about the Black community, in 21st century USA differences in lifestyle, values and the realities of life are more often made along economic lines than racial lines. Failing to recognize this fact can be insensitive, but stating this point directly may also invite argument. [24]
In opposition to one of the notes discussed above in relation to "multiculturalism", Black people in the USA do make jokes about White people openly and without censure on television, in nightclubs, and so on. Given the more concrete and important imbalances between Black people and White people throughout most of the history of the United States, complaints about this particular point are seldom made. [25]
The terms "Black" and "African American" are used more-or-less interchangeably. The first is more casual and the second is more formal, but the neither is likely to offend or prompt correction.
Terms such as "Colored" or "Negro" are taboo in American society but are still used in two specific instances. The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) founded in 1909 and the United Negro College Fund (UNCF) founded 1944 are both highly-respected American institutions whose names are artifacts of particular periods of history when these terms were regarded as the most polite options.
Although the word "nigger" may be heard in a variety of music and movies originating in the US, these are still the two most volatile syllables in American culture. Discussion and controversy regarding the word is far more complex than "Black people can use it, White people can't." Although use of the word may seem casual or friendly in some contexts, both Black people and White people may be offended by this word, even when a Black person uses it. [26]
[edit]Confederate flag
Public display of the Confederate flag is controversial and should be treated accordingly.
The public display of the Confederate flag is controversial and should be treated accordingly. Some people view the flag as a symbol of Southern culture, while others, including many African Americans and Northerners, see it as a symbol of racism. Among supporters of the flag, some believe it has no racist associations and some (including certain White supremists) believe it does. Opinions about the Confederate flag are not specifically drawn along lines of race or social class.
[edit]Language politics
Be sensitive to language politics. The USA has no declared official language or languages. Among those who believe it should, supporters of the English-only (or Official English) movement feel that language should be English. They argue that immigrants who came from other countries in previous generations learned English. [citation needed]
Others note that places such as Florida and Texas were colonized by Spain and had Spanish-speaking communities before being encompassed within US. [27]
A similar point is brought up by Cajuns in Louisiana, proponents of the Hawaiian language in the state of Hawaii and those Native Americans who have preserved their linguistic traditions. The position of these ethnic groups is often stated as "We didn't come to America, America came to us." [28]
[edit]Latinos
Latinos are a large and visible part of American society. This photograph by Danny Lyon shows a Chicano teenager in El Paso, Texas during the 1970s.
Latino (which is both a noun and an adjective) and the feminine form "Latina" are widely-accepted terms used to refer to people of Latin American descent or Hispanic American heritage. It includes such dissimilar people as blonde-haired ethnically German people from Argentina, an Afro-Brazilian who physically resembles the inhabitants of West Africa, and a person born in the USA who speaks no language other than English but who traces her genealogy to a Portuguese or Spanish-speaking country.[29]
Other terms used in relation to Latinos are "Chicano" (used primarily by people in the Southwestern United States who are of Mexican descent) and "Hispanic". "Latin" is used as a more succinct form of Latino and rarely seems impolite unless one is seemingly confusing this term with the Latin language. [30]
In the term "Spanish" is also used, primarily in the Northeastern United States in regards to the sizeable population of Latinos of Carribean origin, most of whom are Puerto Rican. While this invites confusion with the people of Spain and is considered too informal for many uses, it is still often used self-referentially in informal settings when Latino people speak English. [31]
Although Puerto Rico is not one of "the 50 states", it is a United States territory with Commonwealth status and is part of the USA. Its inhabitants need no special documentation such as passports or visas to come to (for example) Boston or NYC. Although the phrase "Puerto Rican immigrants" is neither assuredly incorrect nor essentially insulting, in some cases it may offend Puerto Ricans to suggest that they "come from another country" (especially since some may have been in the 50 states for many generations).[32]
[edit]Native Americans
Etiquette demands respect for the lifestyles of Native American people. Although traditional spiritual, cultural, and lifestyle practices exist in many Native American communities, these incorporate such modern elements as Xbox, doctorate-level education or (in some cases) the operation of multi-billion dollar Indian casinos. Expecting an Native American person to be "just like in the movies" may make one seem ignorant or rude. [33]
The term "Native American" is widely viewed as more politically-correct than the term "American Indian." However, many indigenous American tribal groups and individuals use "Indian" instead.
[edit]Yankees
Although "Yankee" is synonymous with "American" in many countries beyond United States borders, within the USA this term has specific meanings depending upon the context and may be impolite if misused.
In the Southern United States, "Yankee" refers to inhabitants of the Northern United States and is generally used when discussing perceived differences in culture between the regions, such as when saying "Let's show our new Yankee in-laws some Southern hospitality."
In the rest of the United States, "Yankee" is understood in the Southern sense but may also refer to New England specifically. For example, issues surrounding an election in Connecticut and Rhode Island might be described as "Yankee politics."
Among people in New England, and scholars such as historians and genealogists, "Yankee" refers specifically to the relatively homogenous ethnocultural group who trace their descent from such early Americans as the Mayflower Pilgrims. This definition excludes anyone who is (for example) Catholic.
Finally, the New York Yankees are a baseball team whose rivals, the Boston Red Sox are in New England. Therefore, a term such as "Yankee pride" has a variety of meanings. |
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