I had a dream . . .

Sasquatch · Since 09 Mar 2005 2102 Posts PNW Bigfoot

I had a dream. . .

To the Guy Who Tried to steal my kite items from my car.
Date: First Windy Day at SI 2011

I was the guy wearing the green Patagonia jacket that interrupted you breaking into my car the other day, threatening
my recreational time on the water. You were inside my car amassing kite gear to steal, thinking that I had already launched my kite and was on the water for the next hour or so. I hope that you somehow come across this rather important message. First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I caught you inside my car amassing things to take. The day was sunny and windy, but still chilly; I had forgotten to perform my pre-session ritual and pour out 1/3rd of a cold beer as a sacrifice to the Wind Gods and consume the other 2/3rds and so I came back to my car. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating when an owner of a car your trying to break into to catches you in the act... isn't it?! I know it probably wasn't fun running back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse when you realized that you had dropped your cell phone and wallet in my car. [That prevented you from calling or your buddies to come pick you up from wherever you ran off to.] After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then, after my glorious 9 meter blow dryer steady 2 1/2 hr session at SI, I went into town and filled up my gas tank at the Linnton Arco Station as well as those other four kiter's cars and one guy with an RV who happened to be at the station at the time, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big RV took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!
Myself and four other kiters continued into Portland and along the way I encountered a homeless man at the intersection of 82nd and Division and gave him all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!] We then went to a Vietnamese restaurant on 82nd for a hot bowl of Pho and to relive the session that we had just had [that session was cold on the bones and nothing like a hot bowl of Pho to warm-up the body] While eating inside I noticed a pimp had come inside for some dinner. When we finished our dinner and left the restaurant I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked outside in the parking lot ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car. Before the five of us went our separate ways, I gave your cell phone to PDXMonkeyboy. . . and let him use your cell for awhile. He called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone [I figured he needed something extra as he recently admitted to fingering a dead sturgeon]. PDXMonkeyboy just informed my that Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although he only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning that certain figureheads as possible targets for a pie in the face. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.). In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not beating the shit out of you instead when I caught you stealing my kite gear ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours, Sasquatch

Unfortunately, I had to wake-up this morning to no wind and gray skies. . .but what a dream. Not really, but I sure would have been cool if it actually happened; in real life or even in a dream.

So, to all those A-holes that are going to break into our cars this year (SI, event site, Lot B. . .etc) and steal our kiting gear and other possessions, FO!

K2 · Since 30 Apr 2009 274 Posts Hood River, OR Obsessed

Haha! Dude you LOVE SI! I got a 12m this year so let me know when it's gonna be good there. I could have done without seeing the poor Sturgeon get fingerbanged again.

Wind Slither · Since 04 Mar 2005 2620 Posts The 503 METAL

I can't decide what is most unbelievable about that dream:

A. That a thief would drop their wallet and phone in a car they were breaking into.
B. That it would ever blow 9M at SI
C. That Sasquatch would go kiting before July

Confused

forrest · Tue May 10, 11 6:13 pm

Dude, Pho is the best way to go after a cold session!

barfly · Since 31 Mar 2005 1214 Posts Portland BRACKISH

Slither, I'm sure your first take before the edit would have been better.

Wind Slither · Since 04 Mar 2005 2620 Posts The 503 METAL

Cursed edit stamp! I just couldn't let my misspelling of "unbeleivable" taint the thread...

broadbandito · Since 26 Apr 2005 342 Posts CSO headwaters WheatHead

Curse those thieves!

What about that trail of broken-hearted sturgeon left in your dreams?

Sasquatch · Since 09 Mar 2005 2102 Posts PNW Bigfoot

I modified the story for Wind Slither's sake. . .and come on, isn't kiting the beginning of July a bit too early? version 2:

I had a dream. . .

To the Guy Who Tried to steal my kite items from my car.
Date: First Windy Day at SI 2011

I was the guy wearing the black Patagonia wetsuit with the Impact harness on that interrupted you breaking into my car the other day, threatening my recreational time on the water. You were inside my car amassing kite gear to steal, thinking that I had already launched my kite and was on the water for the next hour or so. I hope that you somehow come across this rather important message. First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I caught you inside my car amassing things to take and I pulled out my newly installed bear claw knife from the sheath on my harness. The day was sunny and windy, but still chilly; I had forgotten to perform my pre-session ritual and pour out 1/3rd of a cold beer as a sacrifice to the Wind Gods and consume the other 2/3rds and so I came back to my car. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating when an owner of a car your trying to break into to catches you in the act and threatens you at knife point... isn't it?! I know it probably wasn't fun running back to wherever you'd come from without shoes on with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse when you recounted what had just happened--the victim of a car theft demanding you to hand over your shoes, wallet, and cell phone while under knife point. [That prevented you from calling or your buddies to come pick you up from wherever you hobbled off to.] After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then, after my glorious 9 meter blow dryer steady 2 1/2 hr session at SI with nothing less than about a dozen hot nude skinny chicks with large breasts playing volleyball up at the nude beach, I went into town and filled up my gas tank at the Linnton Arco Station as well as those other four kiter's cars and one guy with an RV who happened to be at the station at the time, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big RV took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!
Myself and four other kiters continued into Portland and along the way I encountered a homeless man at the intersection of 82nd and Division who was asking for handouts so I gave him your shoes and all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!] We then went to a Vietnamese restaurant on 82nd for a hot bowl of Pho and to relive the session that we had just had [that session was cold on the bones and nothing like a hot bowl of Pho to warm-up the body] While eating inside I noticed a pimp had come inside for some dinner. When we finished our dinner and left the restaurant I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked outside in the parking lot ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car. Before the five of us went our separate ways, I gave your cell phone to PDXMonkeyboy. . . and let him use your cell for awhile. He called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone [I figured he needed something extra as he recently admitted to fingering a dead sturgeon]. PDXMonkeyboy just informed my that Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although he only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning that certain figureheads as possible targets for a pie in the face. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.). In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not beating the shit out of you instead when I caught you stealing my kite gear ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours, Sasquatch

Unfortunately, I had to wake-up this morning to no wind and gray skies. . .but what a dream. Not really, but I'm sure it would have been cool if it actually happened; in real life or even in a dream.

So, to all those A-holes that are going to break into our cars this year (SI, event site, Lot B. . .etc) and steal our kiting gear and other possessions, FO!

pdxmonkeyboy · Wed May 11, 11 1:12 pm

I can't wait till that fish photo somehow gets in the same thread with the rooster rock black rubber cock photo.